The infant, who can’t be named for legal reasons but who has been referred to as 'Lola' or 'Lunar' on the internet, was given the all clear by doctors at Bristol Royal Infirmary earlier today. According to one of the nurses who spoke to the child, she told the doctor that when she took the drug her face “went all numb and tingly.” Doctors are waiting on the results of a blood test before issuing their evaluation of the child’s condition. The unnamed nurse reported that Lola was “out of danger” but that she was “full of energy and slightly euphoric” and that "these symptoms are typically associated with cocaine consumption."
Whilst police have promised to release a full report later in the day, they seem to be working on the premise that the mother of the young child is a local drug baron and that 'little Lola' found her mother’s stash.
Lola
Tony Montana
2 comments:
This is an OUTRAGEOUS post!!! Possibly my favourite ever! What a scandal - right under our (and her little) noses.
Police Apologise for Most Ridiculous Investigations.
Both the mother and child pursued in the Little Montana case have now been given profuse apologies from the police for their most ridiculous investigations and report to date.
The police somehow managed to to think that what was actually a low flying cloud that the girl in question grabbed and started licking, (as she thought it was a giant white candy floss) was something very different indeed. The police are still very embarrassed and ashamed. If they had done any kind of proper investigations they would have easily recognised the four year old girl on the photograph as Lorry Lifter Lola Luna. She is famed across the country for her extreme strength and very sweet teeth. Even though the mama came across as a shrewd business woman and had a air of nobility about her the drugs baron report has, of course, been binned too.
The police are now preoccupied with following new leads on a man in his early fifties. Known as Papa, he is reported to have been impersonating as an editor and writing terrible stories and upsetting people for years. He has moved around somewhat to avoid being caught for these heinous crimes against humanity, but all investigations are now moving to Chilé.
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